Why Positive Thinking Will Not Save Your Relationship 

by Irina Litvin

Are you worried about your relationship and looking for a way to reignite the love you once had? Every relationship goes through phases and various challenges that can break it or empower love and help the couple evolve together. The question is how to turn those challenges into blessings.

If you are wondering if positive thinking or affirmations can save your marriage or fix your relationship, there is something I need to tell you about it.

Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is an incredible tool with many benefits… if used right. It can raise your vibrations and shift your perspective to see the bright side. However, it is not a remedy for every difficult situation. And that is where there is a lot of confusion.

Positive thinking in traditional understanding is seen as something that helps you focus on the bright side of things. In this sense, it is not what saves marriages or a shaken union with a true soulmate. Even twin flames often run away from once so precious love believing that they are following “Divine guidance.”

Sometimes parting ways and exiting an abusive or toxic relationship is the most rational thing to do. Nevertheless, so many of us keep chasing a perfect partner just to experience the same issues in each new relationship.

Applying positive thinking to repeating relationship problems is like putting strawberries and whipped cream on a stinky trash can. It is going to stink no matter how pretty you make it look. You will have to clean up that trash sooner or later (better sooner, of course).

If left unaddressed, little issues erode even the most beautiful soulmate and twin flame relationships and turn into big painful fights.

Big problems start with little things that we ignore. They don’t disappear on their own if we stop thinking about them. And we need to clean up our issues before they completely poison our love.

Positive thinking does not make our issues disappear no matter how hard we try.


I’ve tried to use it years ago hoping to dissolve the problems I had with my husband and it only led to more tension and emotional distance in our relationship.

Chanting “love and light“ or using affirmations like “my relationship is perfect” or “our love dissolves all our misunderstandings” is like applying a band-aid to cover inflamed wounds. This might make us feel better while we are doing it but this often leads to what we call spiritual bypassing or avoiding dealing with the actual problems.

A true authentic relationship starts with being honest with yourself and finding the gut to accept yourself with all your flaws.

Where positive thinking can help is believing that we are not given challenges that we cannot solve and inspiring and empowering us to face our issues.

Several years ago, I was running in circles, feeling frustrated as we were drifting further and further apart from each other… before I realized this. And it was this shift in perspective that allowed me to heal relationship with my soulmate. Sure enough, it didn’t take long to see incredible changes I had been hoping to see.

Quick healing of our relationship inspired us to create a course for awakening couples who need help restoring their damaged connection. Blissful Connector course guides not only to heal personal emotional wounds but also shows how one can stop reacting and start acting consciously.

Can Positive Affirmations Help?

It depends on how you use them.

If you use them to escape the discomfort that comes with thinking about your issues or discussing them with your partner, then not. We naturally want to avoid the unpleasant.

Avoiding painful memories is natural. It has to do with our limbic brain, which sees them as a threat to our survival. However, as a species we have evolved to develop the neocortex, which allows us to become neutral so that we can better see things for what they are and find solutions to our problems.

If we use such tools as positive affirmations, a deep meditation, or other mindfulness practices to raise our vibrations, we can activate the neocortex and channel divine light to heal our wounds of the past that hold us back from harmonizing our relationships.

Avoiding the discomfort of dealing with difficult situations and patterns is not what nurtures love and helps it grow and evolve. As someone who carried soulmate love safely for 20 years, I can tell you that one of the secrets to lasting love is in timely addressing our challenges.

I loved affirmations (and I still use them but differently) but after a while I started wondering why they didn’t work for me. Our issues surfaced every time we had a disagreement, they didn’t dissolve even a tiny bit.

One day it dawned on me why.

I realized that in reality I did everything I could to avoid going down the rabbit hole where unprocessed emotions lived. It was pretty scary and way outside my comfort zone. Besides, I was afraid to make things worse. Transformation began the instant I chose to step into that hole. It was a very vulnerable place yet this is where I learned more about myself and what was possible for my relationship.

I started using affirmations as a tool to get myself out of reactive mode (instead of projecting my agendas onto my husband).

To be able to shift from taking things personally and reacting, I also did some internal work, like healing my inner child and untying ancestral karma. And it was incredibly moving to see our issues melt away when I chose to address them, talking about things that mattered to me without any attitude or pointing fingers. The difference was like night and day.

Our relationship transformed in so many ways and it all started with a little shift in understanding of how to use positive affirmations properly. This allowed me to relax to being flexible and more neutral so we could finally discuss about important things and ways to improve. This instantly connected us on a much deeper level and made our love sweeter.

Avoiding a possible storm doesn’t take you closer to the bliss of rainbows.

Positive affirmations are great but they cannot change your life by themselves. It is awareness and willingness to be flexible and to address current issues that lead you towards the desired outcome.

Positive thinking will not save your marriage if you use it to escape from your internal work.

Hundreds of couples divorce their true soulmates, even those who use positive thinking to fix it, as a result of this escapism. The truth is that most beautiful relationships get to a point where they feel it would be easier to break up than to untangle their issues. The reward for dealing with these issues consciously is beyond any words. This is how we liberate ourselves from limiting patterns and empower our love to last a lifetime.


In rare cases breakup is the only healthy decision two can make. Yet remember that the Universe has an infinite number of ways to help us repair a broken connection, to rekindle love, and to make it as it was meant to be – beautiful, fulfilling, and sweet.

Blissful Connector:

5 Steps to Stop Reacting and Start Acting Consciously

Uncover the roots of communication issues and transmute stuck energy that makes you react into pure light that empowers your love. This will allow you to address important things timely and without emotional charge. These five simple steps will make your relationship more soulful and fulfilling. Ready to start harmonizing your relationship now?

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